I remember one day very vividly... I woke up, got changed, had a morning cigarette and a coffee, then I waddled my way down the street to the doctor's surgery. I was very nervous about what the doctor was going to say and I really didn't want to walk, it was only about 2 minutes from where I was living at the time; but any form of exercise filled me with dread. Despite my extreme lack of energy and the fact that I snuck in another cigarette just before walking through the doors (you know to catch my breath after a long walk) I felt at ease when I saw a chair free in the waiting room where I could prop myself up against the wall and zone out.
With sweat starting to glisten on my forehead and the reality that one chair was actually not enough space for me I began my wait for the doctor. I had been off work for a week and was feeling rather rubbish, in fact it was hard to remember a time back then when I had felt amazing and full of energy. Every day seemed like a fight for the next seat, to take the weight off my feet.
I ended up waiting about 30-40 minutes past my appointment time and there was still no word on when I was next or any kind of apology.
I was fuming! Angry that I couldn't leave and go for a cigarette in case my name was called, angry that I couldn't eat and angry for being kept waiting. I got so angry I decided to tell Facebook all about my situation. Check out this picture below...
WOW! Reading that through again made my eyes water with embarrassment, in 2012 I really did wish some terrible things on people that were merely trying to do their jobs.
When I did eventually get to the see the doctor I was greeted with the words, 'You look terrible.'
Not the most comforting sentence in the world, but by the end of the appointment I was signed off work for extremely high blood pressure. I was also sent off for blood tests, where I had to wait in another room for over an hour. It was okay though because that was a slightly longer walk. plenty of time to smoke and on the way back I got to stop and have some Pringles. That is funny because it is true. It was the little things like that which made my day seem less painful. Living from snack to snack or cigarette to cigarette.
What's the point of this story?
Well, it is safe to say the ranting is not one of my finer moments in life, especially since I was in that situation because of my lifestyle and lack of fitness. The only person I should have been angry with that day was myself. The other thing I learned was that I was putting a lot of hate and anger (negative energy) out into the world at the time.
I sometimes look back through my old posts on social media and I can't believe how miserable and angry I was. Sure, I was not in a very healthy phase of my life, but I must have been a really horrible person to be around. And at the time it got me NOWHERE.... All the ranting in the world couldn't get me out of the hole that I had dug myself.
My posts and general attitude in life has completely flipped around since that time, I put a lot of thought into things that I publish online and I try to be happy and positive when I'm around other people because I know first hand that negativity can be contagious.
My life is not all rainbows and butterflies though and I'm not trying to say that you should be fake, I'm simply suggesting that we should highlight the goodness in our lives and in the world because we ALL need it at this time.
I hope that in sharing that story you can have a chuckle and remember that we are all guilty of those negative thoughts at times. We are all guilty of blaming others for our own issues, but more importantly we all have to power to change the situation that we are in and adopt a more positive approach to life.
This weekend let's think about the way in which we present ourselves to the world, Let's go into the next week feeling good! Let's start a hashtag trend - #ENDTHERANTING
Have a great day.
Stay Strong and Keep Moving!